8-28-11

Something has been on my mind lately.Whether it is listening to friends talk about their "negative" characteristics, hearing someone complain about their lack of self worth, or maybe just knowing some of my own insecurities, I have noticed that people are generally not often self-loving.

How many times have you heard a person who is going through a hard time in their life, continue to mention every miniscule thing that is wrong with them? How many times yourself have you pinpointed characteristics about yourself, often times physical (but personality traits, too) to use as reasoning for why things are not going a certain way in your life? Too many times, it is "If only I was taller" or "If only I wasn't so awkward" or "If only I was more attractive."

I do not bring this up because I am annoyed with friends, strangers, or even myself for thinking this way. It is by no means an annoyance or inconvenience for me to hear this, and I do not see these people as complainers. I am very empathetic with them and how they are feeling. It breaks my heart to hear a friend tell me they wish they were any other way than they are now because so-and-so rejected them, or some inconsiderate stranger was rude. I bring this up because the mindset that we position ourselves into when things aren't how we wish is what is faulty. The complex of "blame-me first," and "it must be something that I am doing" is complete and utter garbage.

This isn't to say that nothing is wrong with each of us. We all have our own faults and none of us our perfect, far from it. But to put so much unnecessary pressure and blame on ourselves for things that are, often times, out of our control, is counterproductive. Life is too short for those meaningless worries.

I am a prime example of one that has wasted too much of my time trying to fit myself in box that doesn't fit. I have spent so much time focused on what society proclaims is proper and normal, on what was beautiful and attractive, on what was cool and expected.  I worked to be close to the expectations, and in the process found my true self, but I still felt pressure to go the extra distance. I worked myself to the bone, so much so that I lost a little bit of me, a little bit of Nikko, in the process. I snapped back in reaction to this, and have been working to re-find myself, to regain what I have lost. I am happy to say I am me, in a very comfortable form.

I did not mean to rant about myself, by any means, but just to provide an example of exactly what I mean. The chatter I hear from friends and strangers about how they could be different to fit better for another, or how "I'm not good enough" for someone or something just makes me want to scream out! I want to scream, not in anger, but in exclamation, "You ARE good enough, you ARE worthy, you ARE you, and do not change that!" Who is to say that whatever person or mindset that you don't fit for is the one that is wrong? When we make ourselves the bad-guys before anyone else, when "blame-me first", we cannot truly love ourselves. Loving ourselves is vitally important. We only have one body, one life, one personality, on you. Take what you have and run with it.

C.S. Lewis once said that "You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body." This really applies here and really sticks with me. We are so much more than our bodies. We are so much more than our "big ears", or our "skinny arms", or our waistline. We are so much more than our insecurities, than our worries. We are so much more than our "if only's."

Have to Start Somewhere

I am starting this blog because I have never had one before. I had always been accustomed to writing anything I felt down in a notebook, but hey, it is 2011, is it not? Seems about time I get on the technology bandwagon. I am always doing something on my computer nowadays, whether it is work for school, social networking with friends, or just miscellaneous time killing on the internet (I try to limit to the latter as much as possible).

This blog is probably a good year over-due, seeing as I have had a lot on my mind and a lot happen in my life over the past year or so.  I think it is important for me in writing here to occasionally look back on past experiences that arise in my head, because how can I move on from experiences without taking what I can from them and make them positive, life lessons. Having said that, I am a forward thinker at this time in my life, and will try to focus this blog on the present as much as possible.

As to the audience of this blog, and who it is written for, it is first and foremost for me. It is for me to clear to my head, to unscramble thoughts. Great ideas and thoughts are priceless. What is the point in having one great thought if it can't be remembered for all jumbled thoughts your mind possesses? Besides do you ever get that feeling you have a great idea, but do to the aeons of other things going on in your life, you just cannot pinpoint it? Life is too short to let these gems go to waste from lack of a present mind, and I intend to change that in my life.

As far as an audience, I would love certain close friends to follow. I am writing this for myself, as I said, but friends and family that know and love me could definitely relate to somethings I have to say and would definitely understand where it is I am coming from.

I hope from this blog I bring some clarity in my life through a present mind, something I am really emphasizing in my day-to-day life lately. Being present allows us to truly experience life, and all of its moments good and bad, and I will touch on this more later. It is vitally important to me, and I hope this blog will allow me to be actively present.

I also hope this blog will allow me to stay connected and reflect on thoughts of my faith. My faith is vitally important, and getting my thoughts down about it will really help me take more from it and hopefully, create a richer faith experience.

I feel like I am rambling, as this was just supposed to be an introductory blog, but I guess there aren't really rules to this sort of thing!

Happy Saturday, all!