Something has been on my mind lately.Whether it is listening to friends talk about their "negative" characteristics, hearing someone complain about their lack of self worth, or maybe just knowing some of my own insecurities, I have noticed that people are generally not often self-loving.
How many times have you heard a person who is going through a hard time in their life, continue to mention every miniscule thing that is wrong with them? How many times yourself have you pinpointed characteristics about yourself, often times physical (but personality traits, too) to use as reasoning for why things are not going a certain way in your life? Too many times, it is "If only I was taller" or "If only I wasn't so awkward" or "If only I was more attractive."
I do not bring this up because I am annoyed with friends, strangers, or even myself for thinking this way. It is by no means an annoyance or inconvenience for me to hear this, and I do not see these people as complainers. I am very empathetic with them and how they are feeling. It breaks my heart to hear a friend tell me they wish they were any other way than they are now because so-and-so rejected them, or some inconsiderate stranger was rude. I bring this up because the mindset that we position ourselves into when things aren't how we wish is what is faulty. The complex of "blame-me first," and "it must be something that I am doing" is complete and utter garbage.
This isn't to say that nothing is wrong with each of us. We all have our own faults and none of us our perfect, far from it. But to put so much unnecessary pressure and blame on ourselves for things that are, often times, out of our control, is counterproductive. Life is too short for those meaningless worries.
I am a prime example of one that has wasted too much of my time trying to fit myself in box that doesn't fit. I have spent so much time focused on what society proclaims is proper and normal, on what was beautiful and attractive, on what was cool and expected. I worked to be close to the expectations, and in the process found my true self, but I still felt pressure to go the extra distance. I worked myself to the bone, so much so that I lost a little bit of me, a little bit of Nikko, in the process. I snapped back in reaction to this, and have been working to re-find myself, to regain what I have lost. I am happy to say I am me, in a very comfortable form.
I did not mean to rant about myself, by any means, but just to provide an example of exactly what I mean. The chatter I hear from friends and strangers about how they could be different to fit better for another, or how "I'm not good enough" for someone or something just makes me want to scream out! I want to scream, not in anger, but in exclamation, "You ARE good enough, you ARE worthy, you ARE you, and do not change that!" Who is to say that whatever person or mindset that you don't fit for is the one that is wrong? When we make ourselves the bad-guys before anyone else, when "blame-me first", we cannot truly love ourselves. Loving ourselves is vitally important. We only have one body, one life, one personality, on you. Take what you have and run with it.
C.S. Lewis once said that "You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body." This really applies here and really sticks with me. We are so much more than our bodies. We are so much more than our "big ears", or our "skinny arms", or our waistline. We are so much more than our insecurities, than our worries. We are so much more than our "if only's."
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