Fear

Today I was talking to a friend. I was telling him about situations in which I seem to either make stupid decisions, or I impede myself from making good decisions. Either way, either situation, I told him it is the fear I feel during the moment that causes me act this way. Looking back on moments like this, I realize how absurd or ridiculous the situation really is, but that is just it; I don't see this in the heat of the moment. In the heat of the moment, my fear or lack of confidence creeps in, and I allow it to take over. Where as I know I am strong and willed person, this feeling is strong within me and it really impairs me, making me feel weak in my actions.

As we talked, he mentioned that he knows how I feel. He said everyone has moments of seeming panic, in which they face things they wish they did not have to. He said in those moments, he personally tries to step out of himself, to notice the fear, and that by recognizing it, he feels greater than that fear, and able to overcome it. He said its tough, but for him it works.

This instantly made me think of Lost. Of course, Lost. He had never seen Lost, so I told him about this scene, in which the main character, Jack, tells of his interactions with fear. Jack is a spinal surgeon, and tells Kate, another passenger that landed on the island, about one of his first surgeries. Jack was very scared in the moment, and felt the pressure of this patient's life weigh him down. Just as the fear was rising in Jack, he said that he stopped, closed his eyes, and let the fear in, for only 5 seconds, and when he was done breathing and counting down, he would come back to reality, and do what he needed to do.

This scene from Lost, and my friends personal experiences with fear and confidence was exactly what I needed. Its amazing how scary a situation can be in the moment it hits you, but its important to remember that fear is going to happen. Its how I handle the situations that fear arises that is important. I can choose to wither in its midst, or I can choose to recognize it, and not allow it to take me over. It is all up to me. Allowing myself to "sit in my fear" or "let the fear in", metaphorically, will be hard, but with the right practice can benefit me in the long run.

St. Joseph, father of the Lord, be with me, give me the courage to face my fears, just as you did.