Sometimes I worry that I will not be included in things "with the boys" because I am not cool to my roommate. I have this bad feeling that next year I will be out of (as Robert de Niro says in Meet the Parents) the "Circle of Trust." Except its not about trust. Its that I feel like I probably don't come off as fun enough to him.
I just want to be included. To feel like I belong.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Renaissance
I was originally going to write some more about updates on my life, number by number, list form. And I will. But I noticed somewhat of a theme in the things I was thinking of bringing up. One word came to mind: renaissance.
The word renaissance is a French term, but it originated from the Italian word Renascimento, which means "to be reborn." Yes I did my homework for this blog. Anyways, just keep in mind the word renaissance when reading the first few of these.
1. Recently, I made some excellent improvements in my life. 10 in 4. 10 in 4. 10 in 4. That's a big deal for me. For the first time in all this I can easily say I have been working really, really hard at this, and I am finally seeing results. I know it seems silly, but as I was driving home today from an errand, I had this thought. For the first time in my life, I truly felt like I could do anything. Its the kind of thing you are told all your life, if not shoved down your throat as a kid. The cliche "You can do anything you set your heart to" comes to mind. But after accomplishing that feat, I feel a great confidence in many aspects of my life. I am nervous about nursing school, but I know I can do it. Its what I was meant to do. I still question why I don't have luck with the girl department, but I know things will work out for me someday, hopefully soon. Its definitely not a cocky feeling, but I feel less concerned, less self-conscious. Its almost like a Nike attitude with certain things. Instead of focusing on the things that could happen, I just think "do it, just do it," or more applicable "it'll happen, it'll happen."
2. Also, I have stopped lying to myself about something that I have for the past few years. I tried so hard to not feel a certain way about something, avoiding how I really felt. It was easier to avoid feeling that way, but now I have just come to terms with myself and how I feel about it. I may not do anything about that, but its good to be cool with me.
3. Different note! I am getting excited for vacation with my family! We are going to Fort Lauderdale on Sunday for a week at the beach. The beach is one of my favorite places to be. Plus, it will be really nice to be with my family. Any other week, we are all going our separate ways, work, girlfriends, travel, etc. But a week at the beach is perfect for us to stay together as a family.
4. This time a few years ago, LeBron James made his infamous "Decision" to play with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh to form a new "Big 3" or "Dream Team" in Miami. While I really do not like the way he went about doing that, and absolutely hate the Heat, I realized this week that I am glad he did what he did. Had he not made his "Decision," I would not have been a rejuvenated NBA fan like I am now. I have been glued to the television every other night for the past month, watching NBA playoffs. I am such a huge fan again, unlike I have ever been, even since I was the world's youngest sports nerd in my toddler years. So as much as I dislike the lack of class he displayed, I would like to thank LeBron James. Now lose tonight so Oklahoma City can make it an interesting series.
5. My brother has had on and off chest pains the past year or so, and they are starting to show up again. It's scary, because we are all worried its not heart problems. But I really think it is respiratory, instead of cardiovascular. I am no doctor, but chest pains when breathing in, no arm or jaw pain, and no irregular heartbeats, among other symptoms tells me its not cardiovascular. Who knows? What I do know, is that I really need help from anyone who is reading this. Pray. Please pray for him. He is the only little brother I have, and I am worried sick about him. I hope this is nothing, but it very well could be. Positive prayers, vibes, and thoughts... send them his way!
The word renaissance is a French term, but it originated from the Italian word Renascimento, which means "to be reborn." Yes I did my homework for this blog. Anyways, just keep in mind the word renaissance when reading the first few of these.
1. Recently, I made some excellent improvements in my life. 10 in 4. 10 in 4. 10 in 4. That's a big deal for me. For the first time in all this I can easily say I have been working really, really hard at this, and I am finally seeing results. I know it seems silly, but as I was driving home today from an errand, I had this thought. For the first time in my life, I truly felt like I could do anything. Its the kind of thing you are told all your life, if not shoved down your throat as a kid. The cliche "You can do anything you set your heart to" comes to mind. But after accomplishing that feat, I feel a great confidence in many aspects of my life. I am nervous about nursing school, but I know I can do it. Its what I was meant to do. I still question why I don't have luck with the girl department, but I know things will work out for me someday, hopefully soon. Its definitely not a cocky feeling, but I feel less concerned, less self-conscious. Its almost like a Nike attitude with certain things. Instead of focusing on the things that could happen, I just think "do it, just do it," or more applicable "it'll happen, it'll happen."
2. Also, I have stopped lying to myself about something that I have for the past few years. I tried so hard to not feel a certain way about something, avoiding how I really felt. It was easier to avoid feeling that way, but now I have just come to terms with myself and how I feel about it. I may not do anything about that, but its good to be cool with me.
3. Different note! I am getting excited for vacation with my family! We are going to Fort Lauderdale on Sunday for a week at the beach. The beach is one of my favorite places to be. Plus, it will be really nice to be with my family. Any other week, we are all going our separate ways, work, girlfriends, travel, etc. But a week at the beach is perfect for us to stay together as a family.
4. This time a few years ago, LeBron James made his infamous "Decision" to play with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh to form a new "Big 3" or "Dream Team" in Miami. While I really do not like the way he went about doing that, and absolutely hate the Heat, I realized this week that I am glad he did what he did. Had he not made his "Decision," I would not have been a rejuvenated NBA fan like I am now. I have been glued to the television every other night for the past month, watching NBA playoffs. I am such a huge fan again, unlike I have ever been, even since I was the world's youngest sports nerd in my toddler years. So as much as I dislike the lack of class he displayed, I would like to thank LeBron James. Now lose tonight so Oklahoma City can make it an interesting series.
5. My brother has had on and off chest pains the past year or so, and they are starting to show up again. It's scary, because we are all worried its not heart problems. But I really think it is respiratory, instead of cardiovascular. I am no doctor, but chest pains when breathing in, no arm or jaw pain, and no irregular heartbeats, among other symptoms tells me its not cardiovascular. Who knows? What I do know, is that I really need help from anyone who is reading this. Pray. Please pray for him. He is the only little brother I have, and I am worried sick about him. I hope this is nothing, but it very well could be. Positive prayers, vibes, and thoughts... send them his way!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Dreams
For the first time in my life I feel like I know exactly what I want in my life. I have these dreams lately of my future self. Now, as in most my dreams, all the people's faces are blurry, yet I know subconsciously who that person is, who they represent. These dreams are like little tastes of my future, as I imagine it. They are really interesting and exciting. Sometimes so much so that its disappointing to wake up from.
I am not going to get into nitty gritty details of the dreams because I have had quite a few, but in these dreams I see myself working in the hospital setting. Where as I normally am scared of the future of my nursing career, these dreams show me that I am a good nurse, very competent and confident.
My dreams also show me buying my own dog, something I have always wanted to do. Some kind of terrier, its not really clear, but its a terrier, I am sure of it.
In another dream I am in my own house, cooking with a woman that I assume is my future wife. I don't know her name because in my dream the name isn't important. Though I cannot see her face, I know she is beautiful. I imagine she would represent everything I would want in a wife. I imagine she is one with with her faith, and our relationship is faith-centered.
I know dreams are only dreams, subconscious visions we have while we sleep, but I cannot let go of these. I cannot dismiss them as something so simple, something explainable by psychology or science alike. No, I believe these dreams are God's way of telling me that I do have a future, I do have something to look forward to, I have a life ahead, where I can do good work for others while garnishing great relationships with people I love. And all of this through him. I am sure some neuroscientist would examine my brain waves and tell me these dreams are some sort of neurochemical reaction while I am sleeping, but I cannot settle for that answer. It is God, and God alone.
I am not going to get into nitty gritty details of the dreams because I have had quite a few, but in these dreams I see myself working in the hospital setting. Where as I normally am scared of the future of my nursing career, these dreams show me that I am a good nurse, very competent and confident.
My dreams also show me buying my own dog, something I have always wanted to do. Some kind of terrier, its not really clear, but its a terrier, I am sure of it.
In another dream I am in my own house, cooking with a woman that I assume is my future wife. I don't know her name because in my dream the name isn't important. Though I cannot see her face, I know she is beautiful. I imagine she would represent everything I would want in a wife. I imagine she is one with with her faith, and our relationship is faith-centered.
I know dreams are only dreams, subconscious visions we have while we sleep, but I cannot let go of these. I cannot dismiss them as something so simple, something explainable by psychology or science alike. No, I believe these dreams are God's way of telling me that I do have a future, I do have something to look forward to, I have a life ahead, where I can do good work for others while garnishing great relationships with people I love. And all of this through him. I am sure some neuroscientist would examine my brain waves and tell me these dreams are some sort of neurochemical reaction while I am sleeping, but I cannot settle for that answer. It is God, and God alone.
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