Bal Shem Tov

This song. Just read the lyrics and listen along.

"Bal Shem Tov"

Matisyahu

On a day when a man was born, up from one world to another

I don't know who you are, even when we face each other

When I wake up I know you're here this is everything that you've done

I've got nothing to fear cause the battle's already been won.

[Chorus: x2]

This is the time of divine favor

Sublime love cuts like a razor

Burning up our fear and pain

Ascend in fire like a laser beam

Search heaven and the seven seas

The answer lies inside you

You know it won't come easy

You've got to find your own truth

When I returned to the lower garden

I saw many souls living and dead

Rushing back and forth 

Descending from one world to the next 

The joy was to great for ears to hear or for words to express

All will be forgiven for our stolen time & debts

Ask me to come with the 

Cause of the glory of your contemplation

You’ve been given eyes to see

Looking for a prophet to accompany me

A long lost soul alone

Fly with my very own set of wings

I reached the highest heights 

Knocking on the door of the king of kings

[Chorus: x2]

This is the time of divine favor

Sublime love cuts like a razor

Burning up our fear and pain

Ascend in fire like a laser beam

Search heaven and the seven seas

The answer lies inside you

You know it won't come easy

You've got to find your own truth

It’s your life to live

And I can’t live it for you

It’s your time to give

And I can’t give it for you

It’s your fear to lose

And I can’t lose it for you

Death or life so choose

And I propose it for you 

So Find your word of truth

You got to find your word of truth

It’s your life to live

And I can’t live it for you

It’s your time to give

And I can’t give it for you

[x2]

Search heaven and the seven seas

The answer lies inside you

You know it won't come easy

You've got to find your own truth

Why I Haven't Watched Silver Linings Playbook Yet

I am too scared to watch Silver Linings Playbook, because I am scared I will not be able to control myself viewing Jennifer Lawrence and her awesomeness, beauty, perfect acting, raw emotion, and just her face. I don’t think I can take it. I might explode.

My Passion on Healthcare

I have found that I have a serious passion for fixing the currently fucked up healthcare system.
The healthcare system currently aids the insurance companies and not the people seeking healthcare. Low income and lower socioeconomic-classed peoples get lower quality healthcare because they do not have the money to afford it. They are poor because they cannot afford proper education, transportation and health services among other things. But is it the chicken or the egg? Poor education leads to lower incomes which leads to inability to make proper health choices (diet, lifestyle, higher stress, etc.) which ultimately leads to poorer health; these people are caught in an endless cycle.

Not to mention, healthcare nowadays is not what it should be. I hope that I live long enough to see the popular term of "healthcare" change to "health promotion/disease prevention." That's what we should working towards. Do you realize how expensive and time-consuming it is to treat a 60 year old man with congestive heart failure in the hospital setting? A lot. Do you know how much it costs to teach that same man 40 years earlier about the risks of heart disease, and no I don't mean make a website about cardiovascular disease, I mean really teach. Get out in the community, make learning fun. Help these people realize what it takes to prevent disease and that it can be enjoyable with a healthy lifestyle. I guar an-damn-tee you that it costs significantly less to effectively teach people ahead of time than focus on management of symptoms and complications associated with completely preventable disease.

My favorite saying about this goes:  "An ounce of prevention equals a pound of cure." Think of all the money we would save if we changed our system. Millions, billions of dollars. We would have a happier and healthier community, and maybe the job description of a nurse today would change completely.

Ramblings

I am at a great place.

Can I just take the time to point out how far I have come this year? No more avoiding events that would make uncomfortable, in the environment that is triggering me to act in ways I used to that weren't healthy. 

Fear doesn't leave, but the fear is no longer suffocating, lung-clenching, impairing my every day life. I can breathe, just like Jack from Lost, for 5 or 10 seconds, and return myself to the situation with a new ease. 

I have been told time and time again this semester from people that mean soooo much to me that they notice a huge difference in me this year in the best way possible, and I can't even begin to express my excitement and happiness to hear what they say. They say I look healthy, well, and happy, most of all happy.

And I am. I am very happy. I cherish so many friendships that are the utmost quality. I feel like I could write a book on all the most important people, with each of them getting their own chapter. I think it could be a legit book too, not just some 10 page essay or something. They are my rock, my everything, and I would gladly die for any of them to live another day. 

I really, really am happy, and I am closer to God than I have been in a while. This is not to say I wasn't earlier; on the contrary I was very close to God over my hard times. I just have a huge appreciation for being close to God and happy at the same time.

I do have that usual wish for a significant other, that I think will never escape me, but lately I am realizing I am wanting her for different, better reasons than I have had before. Where as I may have wanted her for selfish reasons, for me, I want her for her sake. I want someone to be intimate with, someone I can trust, and confide in with things that I never even speak of, not even on this blog. I want someone I can love with all my heart. This person and my relationship goes beyond what our physical bodies hold, but rather what is inside those bodies: our souls.

And, not too mention, on a non-deep note, someone I enjoy to be around and have fun with (because not everything my age has to be about intimate, deep, Notebook-esque love). I want someone I want to play FIFA with and someone wants to share the little loves of her life with too. 

That's what I want. That's what I have always wanted. But for once my happiness does not rely on that hope. It would just be nice. Very nice. That's all I have to say. Love.

Whole Lotta Love

A lot of my female friends started talking today about Valentine’s day, because it is coming up in the next couple of weeks.

Most of my friends are in relationships, but the others are doing some “Gal-entine’s Day” getogether type of thing. It sounds great. But I also wish I had that. Because I don’t. Because I am a guy, I can’t ask them if I can join, even though some of them are my best friends. I don't have a significant other either.

So where does that leave me? Alone on Valentine’s Day, its sounding like. Forever alone. Yikes. 

I may have to go buy myself a milkshake and be my own date this year. Most years, I try my best to forget its that day, but who am I kidding? Im not 12 any more. I am almost 21 and it does matter to me. 

I am happy with the single life, but this day of the year reminds me of what I am missing out on and it sucks. 

Life Lessons

Today's life lesson is particularly difficult.

The right thing isn't always the easiest thing. That's why it is so important that you do the right thing, no matter how easy it would be not to.

That's all.