One Day

One thing has always been consistent.
Love doesn't fail.
How many times have I seen acts that make me question humanity?
How many times have I gone a whole day and seen anger, hatred, jealousy, and frustration in the people I see?
And how many of those times have I, just when I am about to say "That's it. Humanity sucks, we are the worst. We are monsters," and love prevails. One act of kindness on a rainy, cold day. It can make up for 500 days of anger, wrath, evil.
I notice these things, every day, walking on the street.
This past week, I have seen a guy speed past another driver in anger, a guy complain about an annoying classmate. I have seen a group of freshman making fun of a guy that is different in the courtyard. I turn on the news, and we are constantly arguing over politics, over nuclear weapons, over endless things. There are constantly reports of shootings in schools, violence against women, rape, you name it.
Human beings have an innate ability to really suck.
But the same ability, the same capacity to hate, to kill, rape, destroy, they use that ability to love.
Its all in our hands.
We are such amazing creatures because in an instant, we have the choice to break down, catabolize, destroy each other.
Or
We can build each other up, we can love, we can invest in each other and in our happiness. Not my happiness; our happiness.
We are all together; we are all a team.
A team does not function without cohesion and mutual respect for one another.
Love is the only thing that keeps me, keeps us going.
500 days of hatred, yet only one day of love makes the world turn; it makes it all worth living.

2/24

I take pride in my sensitivity and concern for others.
I am loyal, to the end.
I am consistently concerned about others, especially my friends.
I hate being told that I am otherwise.
Because its just not true.
And it hurts.









But its whatever, because I know its not true, and I know how I really feel and how I really care.

All I Want

I listened to this great song by the Forecast earlier. The lyric goes "All I want, all I want, is a little place of our own where I can rest my head." Don't we all? I mean seriously, what a true and accurate lyric of what I want.

That, plus a 2-3 hour life discussion with a good friend of mine earlier this week got me thinking what I want in life. I really just want five things.

1. I want to fall in love

2. I want be the world’s best husband

3. I want to have kids and be the world’s best dad

4. I want to love my job.

5. I want to teach my kids to love like I have learned to love.

That’s about it. Fill in good times and bad times in between as necessary.

Regret

Utter feeling of regret.
I am lucky, it doesn't always affect me.
But lately, it hits me and it really really is unfortunate.
I'm by no means sad, it doesn't get me that down.
But it sucks.
I wish I hadn't messed up.
I wish I had had the balls to give it a chance.
Instead I let fear take over and I ended it before it had the chance to be something great.
My reasons feel invalid.
She would have made me happy and I her.
Now, I don't even see her hardly.
Just saw her today for the first time in a while, and man it was heaven.
But I just wish I took more time to think about things and not acted so soon.
I messed it up and it probably will never be again.
Damn.

Hmmmm.

Letter to a Friend

Have you ever had a friend that you felt really really close to and you feel like you close your eyes and open them and its months later and they don't care about you any more?

If yes, do you ever stop and think about "What did I do wrong to make this person lose interest in me?"

Like, what did I do? I am not a different person from four months ago. I am the same Nikko, and you are the same person as well. So why have I lost the good friendship that I cherish so much from you?

You are a great person, and I love you, but you don't even seem to like me anymore. I almost feel like you just tolerate me because we share friends and its expected. Is that how it is? If so, I will relieve myself of your effort, and you do not have to flatter me any longer.

I am sorry if I did anything to upset you or if I am just not good enough for you.

Valentine's Day

Tomorrow is Valentine’s day. 
Am I going to be upset because I am alone, single, without a significant other? 
No. 
Tomorrow, I am going to take advantage of that and make it a day for myself. 
I am going to be completely selfish tomorrow. 
Not a selfish asshole, but selfish in a healthy way for myself. 
I work til 3 tomorrow and then the rest of the day is for me, unless something else comes up that sounds fun. 
That sounds like a pretty great Valentine’s Day to me. 

Two Friends

I just wanna take this moment to thank two friends out there who I really appreciate this weekend for specific reasons.

Friend number one, on Friday, invited me out to a bar with some people that I never really considered close friends or even people with a positive outlook on me. She pushed me, and made me feel so uncomfortable about coming that I couldn't say no. I fought her passive aggressively about it the whole time and was no happy camper, but I realized looking back on it, that she was doing it for one person: me.

She was being an excellent friend and I really appreciate that moment, but more so her part in my life. This friend is not only someone who pushes me (which I value so much in friendship, no matter how much I fight it), but she also is an excellent role model in faith, she is a woman of love through action, and she is one of the most comfortable people in her own skin. I truly love her and love her friendship and its moments like these that make me positive she will be my friend when we are both fat and old and have kids that go to school together.

Friend number two. I hung out with her Saturday and something she usually says came up. She always tells me "Nikko, have faith in God." When she said that, I wasn't frustrated, but I had to tell her that I do! I do believe and have faith in Him. I really do. But that is not my point in bringing it up. My point is, friend number two is always there to keep my spiritually responsible. She doesn't let me slack in my faith ever. I love it. Not that I always need it, but I do sometimes need the reminder that she brings me. I feel like I am a man of strong faith, but she blows me away with her faith. She is a true role model to live a Catholic and Christian life. I hope by the end of my life I can have the faith she has right now at 19. Don't you ever give up on me!

These two friends are just two of many of the people that are vital to my life, and I hadn't seen much of either of them lately and wanted to shout out for them. I love them both. God Bless.