Vlogging

I watch a few vloggers and comedians on Youtube (Charles Trippy, Source Fed, Phillip DeFranco) and I think I really want to start vlogging my life. These people have been doing it for a few years, every day, and I know I can't do that. But, I vlogged from my phone on Thanksgiving while in NYC, and I really enjoyed doing it. I looked back on the videos I made and besides the quality (which I know how to fix) I loved them. They were great memories and that is what I want to do vlogging for.

Charles Trippy is probably my favorite vlogger, and he basically carries a few cameras around with him and films his day to day life with his wife, Alli, and their two dogs, as well as fun stuffs with friends. I really wanna do this! Its really funny and interesting to have all this stuff from their life recorded for future viewing. I feel like I know these people from watching their 8-10 minute daily episodes!

My plan is start to doing this, but not as much as they do (7 days a week is too much for a nursing student). I need the support of my friends though. I need them to be willing to be filmed and try not to be camera shy. I know how intimidating it is to have a camera thrown in your face (my dad is an amateur photographer/videographer, so I am not new to it at all), but I really am not trying to embarrass or anything like that. I just want to be able to look back when im old and fragile and think of the best times of my life. I will probably start doing this a little over break, to work the rust of my old video hinges, but I will keep people updated.

Bible

I love my Bible app.
I have started to read the Bible from the beginning, Genesis 1. I decided on a 90 day plan, fully expecting it to take longer than that, but what the heck.
Its been a long while since I have opened a Bible beyond looking for a certain quote at any given time. But to sit down and learn something new? Its been a while.
I am doing this because I am trying to remember how it felt as a kid.
Let me illustrate this a little better.
When I was five, I was sent to the principal's office one day, but it wasn't for any bad behavior on my part.
I was in kindergarten in my Catholic grade school, and my teacher let us color anything.
I was absolutely in love with Catholicism, the stories, the saints, with God Almighty.
So I imagined the most perfect thing my mind could muster: heaven.
I drew literally the most detailed drawing of heaven that a 5 year old boy with no artistic talent could manage.
My teacher was blown away when I turned it in. She took the drawing to the office to show the Dominican sister what I had drawn. The school called my mom, and my mom came in during her lunch break, a little confused.
The four of us talked, and though I don't remember anything about the conversation, I remember them doting on me for my extreme belief and love of God and the Bible.
I tell this to illustrate the kind of faith I always want to have.
My faith is doing great right now.
But I always look back on that time of my life as my model for my faith.
The splendor, the awe, the love I felt at that time of my life was unlike anything I have ever felt, and I always try to strive to feel that way again.

This Modern Love

I heard this song for the first time in a while today. 

It used to make me sad because I thought I would never have the kind of love I dream of.

But when I heard it today, I felt satisfied for once. Instead of thinking of the people I haven't met, the girl of my dreams that is nonexistant at this point in my life, I thought of something else.

I thought of all the great people that I am close to right now.

And that this modern love of ours, this love we are expected to go for, isn't always the best kind of love.

I will use initials so as not to embarrass any friends, but I think of simple things about my friends that make we wanna burst out in love for them. MD always pushing me to be better even though I hate it in the moment; she knows I hate it but she pushes me regardless. LM listening to me way more than I needed to put on her at certain times this year. EV for being my best friend ever, for understanding everything I have been through, and for never questioning the mistakes I made, but again for understanding. 

For GH, being my boy, for knowing me more than probably anyone I am around that often. For all the people that make me feel so very special. Not in the sense that I am flattered a lot. But just in the sense that I wake up every day feeling like I deserve his love, and that I am important! 

I think it is so hard to feel important being one of 8 billion people on a single planet in this universe, but these people make me feel like I am of vital importance to humanity.

They make me realize what I bring to this life, and I am completely satisfied with myself with their help.

I would truly be happy to die for any of them, and thats what love in essence is to me.

So, yeah, maybe I have never found that modern love that we all look for, and I'm never gonna not be looking or hoping it is around the corner. 

But I am content and happy and enflamed with the love a 1000 hearts for these people.

That love is forever, that love is not fleeting.

Feels Great

Despite realizing that
Hey, my pants feel a little tighter
or
my face looks decently filled out
and recognizing the distant fears
that come up in me.
Feeling that fear and noticing it.
Calling it out by name.
But
Recognizing that fear for what it is
And realizing that
I am healthy for the first time in
three plus years
That feels just
great.