So much rejection this week.
Its ridiculous.
I feel like the world doesn't want me.
Two job offers failed.
One externship fell through.
Two living situations fell through.
As well as numerous other things in my life.
But I am not going anywhere.
So this is awkward.....
Friday, April 26, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Todayayay
Things that have gone wrong today:
1. Got a 76 on my a paper that really didn't deserve to get that on.
2. Let a girl lead me on who has been leading me on forever.
3. Sat in class from 8-5.
4. Had some self esteem issues; will I ever be socially adequate enough?
5. My plans to live with my good friend over the summer feel through and I'm sad and stressed about remaking living arrangements.
6. Spent some time today thinking about my lack of love life, while sitting in a room with essentially 75 beautiful girls, so that didn't help.
7. Future worries.
Things that are good about today:
1. I freaking breathed the breathe of life. Isn't that great?
1. Got a 76 on my a paper that really didn't deserve to get that on.
2. Let a girl lead me on who has been leading me on forever.
3. Sat in class from 8-5.
4. Had some self esteem issues; will I ever be socially adequate enough?
5. My plans to live with my good friend over the summer feel through and I'm sad and stressed about remaking living arrangements.
6. Spent some time today thinking about my lack of love life, while sitting in a room with essentially 75 beautiful girls, so that didn't help.
7. Future worries.
Things that are good about today:
1. I freaking breathed the breathe of life. Isn't that great?
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Letter to Myself
You have a lot on your mind.
You want it all right now, and you are impatient.
You idealize the perfect wife, the perfect life, the perfect family.
You ache and ache for it all, but you forget what is here now for you.
Friends.
Education.
Freedom.
Less responsibility.
Youth.
Health.
You appreciate all these things, but you forget one day you will be in love with that perfect girl, and have kids, and whatever crosses your mind.
But will you miss the times spent thinking ahead?
Will you miss the time you spent finding yourself, growing comfortable with who you are?
Sit.
Be comfortable in where God has you right now.
You are here for a reason.
Here, geographically.
Here, in this given time period.
You are a 21 year old man, who is in just the right place.
You are not just where you need to be,
you are where you are needed to be.
God needs you now, and just realizing this is light years better than a lot of the people your age.
He has plans, plans for you, to reward you, to build you up, but first you have things to do for him. Its not an exchange. Its not a trade off of tasks. Its God's plan.
His masterplan.
Sorry, I usually capitalize that.
The Masterplan.
It hurts sometimes being uncomfortable with where you are at in the sequence of The Masterplan.
But that is what being his vessel is all about. Peter was not comfortable. Joseph was not comfortable. Paul. John the Baptist. The Apostles. They were uncomfortable too. They wondered, "why can't God's plan for me be as simple as marrying her, and being a father to my children." It hurts, and its hard. God knows. But he also knows a lot more than you do.
A lot more than you can know. That is why it is called The Masterplan, capital T, capital M.
Be comfortable where you are.
You know you are not left alone.
You do not forget that.
You just get antzy, antzy in the unknown.
Find comfort in the uncomfortable nature of The Masterplan.
You are not lost, you are not flailing around in life.
You are not just a sentient being on one of many planets in many solar systems or many galaxies.
You are his child.
And he knows how you are best used.
Find comfort in the unknown.
His Masterplan is unwinding.
You want it all right now, and you are impatient.
You idealize the perfect wife, the perfect life, the perfect family.
You ache and ache for it all, but you forget what is here now for you.
Friends.
Education.
Freedom.
Less responsibility.
Youth.
Health.
You appreciate all these things, but you forget one day you will be in love with that perfect girl, and have kids, and whatever crosses your mind.
But will you miss the times spent thinking ahead?
Will you miss the time you spent finding yourself, growing comfortable with who you are?
Sit.
Be comfortable in where God has you right now.
You are here for a reason.
Here, geographically.
Here, in this given time period.
You are a 21 year old man, who is in just the right place.
You are not just where you need to be,
you are where you are needed to be.
God needs you now, and just realizing this is light years better than a lot of the people your age.
He has plans, plans for you, to reward you, to build you up, but first you have things to do for him. Its not an exchange. Its not a trade off of tasks. Its God's plan.
His masterplan.
Sorry, I usually capitalize that.
The Masterplan.
It hurts sometimes being uncomfortable with where you are at in the sequence of The Masterplan.
But that is what being his vessel is all about. Peter was not comfortable. Joseph was not comfortable. Paul. John the Baptist. The Apostles. They were uncomfortable too. They wondered, "why can't God's plan for me be as simple as marrying her, and being a father to my children." It hurts, and its hard. God knows. But he also knows a lot more than you do.
A lot more than you can know. That is why it is called The Masterplan, capital T, capital M.
Be comfortable where you are.
You know you are not left alone.
You do not forget that.
You just get antzy, antzy in the unknown.
Find comfort in the uncomfortable nature of The Masterplan.
You are not lost, you are not flailing around in life.
You are not just a sentient being on one of many planets in many solar systems or many galaxies.
You are his child.
And he knows how you are best used.
Find comfort in the unknown.
His Masterplan is unwinding.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Things I learned from yesterday
1. I love Sheldon and Meghan. A lot.
2. I am very thin skinned and people hurt my feelings easily.
3. Whereas I have maintained the attitude that that's okay for a while, last night I felt like its a negative.
4. I'm kinda terrible sociably in large groups. I thrive when I am alone or in groups of 4 or less.
5. My body posture doesn't equate my feelings.
2. I am very thin skinned and people hurt my feelings easily.
3. Whereas I have maintained the attitude that that's okay for a while, last night I felt like its a negative.
4. I'm kinda terrible sociably in large groups. I thrive when I am alone or in groups of 4 or less.
5. My body posture doesn't equate my feelings.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Sleep Ovah
I have been blessed with two wonderful friends that have just come into my life this year. The two are a couple, the guy a year younger, and the girl two years younger, but who really counts?
Anyways, these two are just the kind of friends that I wanted in my life.
They both make me feel super important to them without trying, and I know that I matter to them. I don't have my usual concerns of "where I stand" with these two. I know that I am their best friend and they are mine.
I joke around a lot about "third-wheeling," crashing their time together, but they are different in that they always seem to want me to third wheel. They welcome it. It makes me feel so special. Its not about me, but affirmations, especially ones that go unasked for, are super important to me in friendships.
So naturally, me wanting to be around them as much as possible, and since I don't have a ton of time in the week due to nursing school, the three of us are having a sleep over on Friday. I cannot wait. I picture in my mind the three of us in pj's on my bed with good music playing/good movie playing, drinking good (or bad?) booze, and talking about things deep inside of us normally.
I am so excited. I hardly ever make plans with friends because a) I am the busiest of all bee's, and b) I an introvert that doesn't know how to be socially active.
But this is promising. I love my favorite couple. They are the best.
Anyways, these two are just the kind of friends that I wanted in my life.
They both make me feel super important to them without trying, and I know that I matter to them. I don't have my usual concerns of "where I stand" with these two. I know that I am their best friend and they are mine.
I joke around a lot about "third-wheeling," crashing their time together, but they are different in that they always seem to want me to third wheel. They welcome it. It makes me feel so special. Its not about me, but affirmations, especially ones that go unasked for, are super important to me in friendships.
So naturally, me wanting to be around them as much as possible, and since I don't have a ton of time in the week due to nursing school, the three of us are having a sleep over on Friday. I cannot wait. I picture in my mind the three of us in pj's on my bed with good music playing/good movie playing, drinking good (or bad?) booze, and talking about things deep inside of us normally.
I am so excited. I hardly ever make plans with friends because a) I am the busiest of all bee's, and b) I an introvert that doesn't know how to be socially active.
But this is promising. I love my favorite couple. They are the best.
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