Regret

The past few months have been turbulent and stressful for me. Times of change brings crisis in many forms, both good and bad, and I have felt the effects both ways. Today, though, I can't help but focus on the fact that my school and clinical work have impinged on my ability to socialize the way I want to. The combination of time spent doing what I need to do for both school and clinical, as well as the amount of energy it takes away from me leads me feeling empty socially. I have backed out of events I should go to, become recluse in order to get my work done, and I feel somewhat empty when I am not busy. I love the feeling I get going to the hospital and doing what I love. I do the work I need to finish this degree, but I cannot help but feel somewhat empty. I expend all my energy towards work, and come home with only the energy to decompress alone or with my girlfriend, and it is fine in the moment. I know I am hurting my friends though. They don't see me and they let me know how much they wish I was around. I am struggling so hard to tell them "No, I have to do this" or "I can't, I am sorry." I hope they do not think I am blowing them off because I don't love them because I do, and that is why this hurts so much. Especially knowing that I will graduate in 4 weeks and that will it for my time here at the university. It makes me sick thinking about that. I haven't been to mass in months, because I am introverted and feel like crap every time Saturday or Sunday comes around. I just hate this feeling. I am a terrible friend and terrible Catholic.