Step Back

Sometimes in life, its good to step back, and clarify yourself. To step back and remind yourself why your doing something. I have recently been presented with some feedback that has made want to do so.

First and foremost, as I believe I said when I started this blog, I am not writing to an audience. I am writing this blog for me. It is not "Dear Journal" or "Dear So-and-So Whats-her-name." It is just me writing for me. This slowly turned into me writing as almost therapy in my "struggle" and as an aid in my journey. I have never once meant for this to be an intellectual blog, nor did I ever plan on having any followers. Granted I do now, and this website is public so just about anyone could read it, I still do not approach any single blog post as directed towards anybody other than myself. So that has become my self-proclaimed inspiration for this blog.

As for recent posts, particularly, my "I May Not" blog, I take nothing back and I mean every word. Maybe I wasn't clear with my writing (hey, I am a nurse hopeful, not a writer), but I in no way intended on writing that blog particularly as a stand against society's construct on girls (or guys) to be thin. I was not commenting on the millions of magazines that objectify women, nor was I commenting on modeling magazines that tell people what normal and beautiful is. If you truly knew me, and where I have been, you would know that, along with the rest of these blog posts, it has been specifically about my own struggle. My own body-image issues. That post was about me becoming comfortable with myself. For as long as I can remember, a little less than my whole 20 year life, I have never had good self-confidence in my body and my image. That's what "I May Not" was about.

I had made sincere progress while in Florida with my struggle. Among these, I finally found a confidence in my own body and in my self, for the first time in my WHOLE life. Imagine how exciting that is for me. I was thrilled. I am still thrilled. Clearly some people did not understand my post, because they have not been in my shoes, and do not know me enough to know exactly what I am talking about. This blog is contextual to my life. It's like going to a 3-D movie without the 3-D glasses. Your probably not going to understand it very well.

I am amazed at people every day, and yesterday is no different. My spirit was really crushed yesterday at the feedback I got. But I refuse to let anything get to me simply because none of it is true. I cannot say anything about you because, unless I know you, I do not know where you have been, how hard or easy the places you have been has been, or why you are doing the things you do. I do not know what you think, and until I get to know someone, I will not know this context of you. Therefore I would never say anything to you like that.

This applies to me as well. Ask my best friend, she will tell you that I am in no way aa hypocrite and in no way do I objectify anyone, especially not women. To think that about me is incorrect. I say this, and what I am getting at, is that there are very few people in this world that I can say know me well enough to tell me such a thing and be correct about it. My parents, my brother, my sister, my best friend, and a few other friends, I would say, know me better than anyone on the planet, and know what I have been through, to know where I am coming from when I write in this blog.

I'd like to wrap this up by saying that I am not going to lose any of the confidence I gained this past week, because its too important to me, and I honestly do not value any body' opinion that treats me a certain way when they do not know me, nor have any interest in knowing me. I listened to their opinion and recognize it as one, but honestly, I know who I am. I am not that. I am not going to change who I am, or be who I am supposed to be either. The only expectations I am listening to any more are the expectations I hold for myself.

Like I said, this blog is first and foremost for me. But I know some people follow it, and for those few people that I have talked to about this blog before, I thank you again. You are all wonderful people that I feel cherished and blessed to know and call my friends and family.