All In

Lots of improvements made this summer. I am an overwhelming sense of relief and accomplishment. I have gotten so much better. I feel so good right now. Better than I have in a while. I am doing a decent job being happy with how I am and I have a lot of confidence that I never knew before.

So what next? I am feeling a list tonight, that is how my thoughts are laid out.

1. I move back in barely over a week, and I could not be more excited.

2. I think back to the past two years, how I felt, and I don't want that. Last year was good, but the combination of my struggle and my lack of confidence has kept me hidden away from others. I have been isolated, and it is no one's fault but my own. I used to feel bad that people didn't seek me out, but I realized they don't because of how I present myself to them. I didn't make myself available, and my rigidness isolated me from the people I love. That is not gonna happen again. First, I have gotten my struggle under control (minus a few occasional negative thoughts). Second, I have started getting confident with who I am and how I appear. Those two feed each other, both in positive and negative ways, and I am feeling great about making myself available.

3. I do have fears about this year, but part of the progress I have made this summer is being able to recognize my fears as what they are, but also realize that I have the power to control my fate, my outcome, up to a certain point. I am not going to drown in my fear like I have before. Not now, no longer.  As I told a friend earlier this week, "This semester, I am game. This semester,  I'm all in."

4. Part of why I am so happy about getting better through all this is that I feel I can finally be the best me to help others. My friends, and family, and new people I encounter daily is what bring me the most joy in life, and I really want to be able to serve them in any way the Lord sees fit for me. I am not talking about nursing, but more a general day to day thing. I have always held this in, but my number one goal day to day, my motto is "Be the best friend I can be everyday." Sounds like Notre Dame, I know, but I seriously walk around thinking this. I strive to be the best friend I can as possible. I can't explain it, nor why I started following this motto a few years ago, but its important to me. Now that I am my full, strong self, I can truly be the best I can for others, every day!

5. I am interested in someone. We shall see how it goes! Cheers to it, and cheers to if it's not meant to be, I am open to whatever God's plan for me.

6. I start nursing school this year. Holy yes. You know that song that goes, "I've been waitttttin, for a girl like you..."? Some old 80's song. Well this is what plays in my head for this year. Minus the girl part, add the moment. I am so ready to learn what it takes to save lives.



That's all I wanted to say. I hope everyone's doing well. God Bless.