The thing that sucks about recovering from an eating disorder is how sensitive my stomach is too large amounts of food. I love Thanskgiving, and this year I was in NYC with my family at some makeshift meal with the rest of my brother's high school band. I feel like I had hardly nothing compared to what I normally do when Thanksgivings at home, and yet afterwards, I felt like I might have been sick. Of course I didn't, but it struck me as odd how sensitive my stomach is. I wish it wasn't! I enjoy Thanksgiving if not for the family then for the food, and my stomach doesn't always agree with me during "eating" holidays.
Anyways, I am thankful for a lot on Thanksgiving. I don't even need to list what I am thankful for. It goes unsaid. I love you all.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Without a Doubt
I'm going to fail Nursing 311. I will be here an extra year, and I pretty much can't do much about it here in NYC. Oh well
Monday, November 12, 2012
Love Like Rockets
Been thinking lately about how I am going to be more open to God's call of vocation for me. I have always considered it and not turned down the idea of the priesthood, but I am recently thinking that may be God is trying to tell me, "Nikko, always keep your options open."
I am currently failing at least one of my nursing classes, and I am facing the addition of another year of school. I have been put in stressful situations where I thought my nursing world would end. I have been to the hospital this year and feel like "How can I ever do anything else after trying this? This is what I want." But I am starting to think that this scare, though its not set in stone that I will fail, is God's way of telling me that as great as the plans we humans can come up with, there are no plans greater than the His.
On top of nursing school being a roller coaster and sparking these thoughts, I am starting to think I am made to be married to the church. This is not because I am frustrated with my interest in girls and attempts (or lack there of) at it, even though I am frustrated. It is simply because I feel like the best of me comes out not when I am trying to woo or impress or even talk to a girl I like. The best of me comes out when I am Peter. When I put my trust in God. When I kneel before him and disciple myself, dedicating my physical body and my spiritual soul to him and him alone. There is nothing like that kind of happiness and I feel like I am doing the best in life when doing work like that. Even if the next day, I bomb a Nursing 311 exam, and get the wag of the finger from professors or instructors, I know God cannot help but smile at me, and despite my distress about my grades, I rest at night knowing that I am his and he is mine.
This isn't to say that I don't hope and pray for him to deliver me that wonderful girl that transcends all others for me someday. The one that not only shares love of each other, but more importantly, shares my love of the Lord, the Son, the Holy Spirit. The woman understands my faith life on so many levels; one that I can trust, and one that makes me a holier man.
I pray that woman is out there for me, but I also at the same time pray that if the Lord does not have that in his plan for me, that he give me a sign soon, and guide me in the right direction. Make it easy for me Lord, I am only human. But by your grace alone, I am an instrument of your everlasting love, and I am somehow more than just human.
I am currently failing at least one of my nursing classes, and I am facing the addition of another year of school. I have been put in stressful situations where I thought my nursing world would end. I have been to the hospital this year and feel like "How can I ever do anything else after trying this? This is what I want." But I am starting to think that this scare, though its not set in stone that I will fail, is God's way of telling me that as great as the plans we humans can come up with, there are no plans greater than the His.
On top of nursing school being a roller coaster and sparking these thoughts, I am starting to think I am made to be married to the church. This is not because I am frustrated with my interest in girls and attempts (or lack there of) at it, even though I am frustrated. It is simply because I feel like the best of me comes out not when I am trying to woo or impress or even talk to a girl I like. The best of me comes out when I am Peter. When I put my trust in God. When I kneel before him and disciple myself, dedicating my physical body and my spiritual soul to him and him alone. There is nothing like that kind of happiness and I feel like I am doing the best in life when doing work like that. Even if the next day, I bomb a Nursing 311 exam, and get the wag of the finger from professors or instructors, I know God cannot help but smile at me, and despite my distress about my grades, I rest at night knowing that I am his and he is mine.
This isn't to say that I don't hope and pray for him to deliver me that wonderful girl that transcends all others for me someday. The one that not only shares love of each other, but more importantly, shares my love of the Lord, the Son, the Holy Spirit. The woman understands my faith life on so many levels; one that I can trust, and one that makes me a holier man.
I pray that woman is out there for me, but I also at the same time pray that if the Lord does not have that in his plan for me, that he give me a sign soon, and guide me in the right direction. Make it easy for me Lord, I am only human. But by your grace alone, I am an instrument of your everlasting love, and I am somehow more than just human.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Thoughts
1. I am getting closer to new people. Yesterday I hung out with people I really had never hung out with before. I had a blast. I seriously love them, and would love to see them again.
2. Becoming more and more aware of God's plan for me right now. I have no clue big picture, but right now, he wants me to be a person that utilizes his good qualities, to be a loyal friend to everyone, because I find a lot of people could use consistency and loyalty tonight. That is me.
3. Going along with this, I realize that I have a gift for seeing the best in people. This thought came up when a friend of mine made a comment about how a joke about guy problems was "her life." And yet when she said that, all I could think of was, I don't like you, but I think you have SO MUCH to offer. your an awesome girl, and how could anyone not like you?
4. That thought leads to this which is, I sometimes wish I could show people better how much I care. I think about this a lot. So many people never hear it, or could use it, but I also feel like a lot of people don't necessarily take it seriously when people like me tell them how much they mean. They mean so much to me, and I wish just telling them could give it justice as to how much I care.
2. Becoming more and more aware of God's plan for me right now. I have no clue big picture, but right now, he wants me to be a person that utilizes his good qualities, to be a loyal friend to everyone, because I find a lot of people could use consistency and loyalty tonight. That is me.
3. Going along with this, I realize that I have a gift for seeing the best in people. This thought came up when a friend of mine made a comment about how a joke about guy problems was "her life." And yet when she said that, all I could think of was, I don't like you, but I think you have SO MUCH to offer. your an awesome girl, and how could anyone not like you?
4. That thought leads to this which is, I sometimes wish I could show people better how much I care. I think about this a lot. So many people never hear it, or could use it, but I also feel like a lot of people don't necessarily take it seriously when people like me tell them how much they mean. They mean so much to me, and I wish just telling them could give it justice as to how much I care.
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