Love Like Rockets

Been thinking lately about how I am going to be more open to God's call of vocation for me. I have always considered it and not turned down the idea of the priesthood, but I am recently thinking that may be God is trying to tell me, "Nikko, always keep your options open."

I am currently failing at least one of my nursing classes, and I am facing the addition of another year of school. I have been put in stressful situations where I thought my nursing world would end. I have been to the hospital this year and feel like "How can I ever do anything else after trying this? This is what I want." But I am starting to think that this scare, though its not set in stone that I will fail, is God's way of telling me that as great as the plans we humans can come up with, there are no plans greater than the His.

On top of nursing school being a roller coaster and sparking these thoughts, I am starting to think I am made to be married to the church. This is not because I am frustrated with my interest in girls and attempts (or lack there of) at it, even though I am frustrated. It is simply because I feel like the best of me comes out not when I am trying to woo or impress or even talk to a girl I like. The best of me comes out when I am Peter. When I put my trust in God. When I kneel before him and disciple myself, dedicating my physical body and my spiritual soul to him and him alone. There is nothing like that kind of happiness and I feel like I am doing the best in life when doing work like that. Even if the next day, I bomb a Nursing 311 exam, and get the wag of the finger from professors or instructors, I know God cannot help but smile at me, and despite my distress about my grades, I rest at night knowing that I am his and he is mine.

This isn't to say that I don't hope and pray for him to deliver me that wonderful girl that transcends all others for me someday. The one that not only shares love of each other, but more importantly, shares my love of the Lord, the Son, the Holy Spirit. The woman understands my faith life on so many levels; one that I can trust, and one that makes me a holier man.

I pray that woman is out there for me, but I also at the same time pray that if the Lord does not have that in his plan for me, that he give me a sign soon, and guide me in the right direction. Make it easy for me Lord, I am only human. But by your grace alone, I am an instrument of your everlasting love, and I am somehow more than just human.