Monkey's Uncle

As my week home for the Thanksgiving holidays comes to an end, I look back on things I have been thinking about this week. Like most people, I have been thinking of all the things I am thankful for, and thinking of what truly matters in life. But being me, and having my own thoughts, another seed has been planted; another thought has been going around my noggin.

As I mentioned before, in previous posts, I struggled a lot last year and into this year with something personal. Through the struggle, I slowly had changes come across me. Things I did not appreciate before, things I in fact disliked at times, were lost thanks to my struggle. It is only now that I seem to see things for how they were and and how they are now, and at first thought, I would give anything to have some of things in me that I feel I lost, back in me. At first thought, I resent all everything the struggle presented me, every challenge I faced, every dark place I had to go because of it. It was not a good place for me, the past year, and at first thought, I wish I never had to face any of it.

But, by the fact that I have these thoughts over the Thanksgiving holiday, I had second, and different approach to my struggle. Despite the resentment for the changes and places I have been to, despite my wish to give anything to change things, I know I could never change anything that happened. I was given the cards I was given, and I did the best I could do with it, and I am okay. Things are hard, but they are getting better and I am okay.

Maybe I am feeling this way because the day before I went home for break, a few friends of mine watched the Lion King with me. The Lion King is easily my favorite movie (as I mentioned to my friends multiple times, without fail) because of the deep philosophical messages that it preaches, among other things. In the Lion King, there is a resounding message (at least, resounding to me) from some of the characters about the past and how you let it affect your decisions in the present. Timon starts this message by saying "You gotta put your past behind you." What really hits the message home to me every time I watch the movie is Rafiki's conversation with Simba. Rafiki hits Simba with his stick, and tells him that the pain doesn't matter, because "it is in the past." When Simba says that it still hurts, Rafiki replies, "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."

I am definitely learning from my past. I am learning not to blame myself for what happened, but to also forgive myself as well. I am learning to come to peace with it, and working to love myself no matter what. I am also learning the importance of allowing others into my life with this learning process. The learning I am doing can be hard, and sometimes as hard as the struggle itself. The people I care about are here for me, and are exactly what I need going forward. They are what I am thankful for this holiday season.