Whirlwind

The past couple weeks have been a whirlwind. I mean that in the sense of like its crazy looking back on it now. Even reading some of my posts from that time period, to thinking about some things that happened in those weeks, I can't believe I let things get so negative. I am naturally a positive thinker, and I normally try and see the bright side of things. But these past few weeks have been weird to say the least.

I blame myself. I was feeling really lonely again, and was aching for some closeness to the people I loved, and didn't feel it. But it was me, me alone that was keeping me from doing this. They were never "not there." They were, and always are, there. I just let myself get into this state that I can't even describe, where I turned my back from them. Though all this was unintentional, it happened, and I feel like I haven't been doing my part when it comes to getting the best out of relationships.

Friendships are not battery sources that you sap the life out of. They are two-way, giving relationships between two people who care about each other a lot. One cannot take away anything from a friendship unless they give themselves, and give themselves fully, to there respective friends. I haven't been doing this.

What I thought was loneliness, was really just me allowing myself to be isolated from the people that I really want to see the most. Do not ask me why I do this or let this happened. I do not know, I can't explain it. All I know is that I want it to stop. I am ready to be a better friend. I am always, always, thinking of my friends, but I could be better about being around and really showing them I care. Making an effort. These people are the most important people in my life, and I am happiest when I am around them. End of story, book closed, on the shelf, next story, please.

That's all I can think to say.
I am not writing this to say that I have all of a sudden changed, because I haven't, but I really am going to work on this. Its important to me. Its at the top of my mind right now, and I won't let this go that easily.

Happy Friday, everyone!