I'm Still Here pt. 2

This is a kind of continuation of a post from last year, that I titled "I'm Still Here". I was listening to this song on the drive back from home to college today.

I had a new-found perspective on this song that I had never realized before. Originally, I was more relating to the lyrics directly, feeling like I am not seen and I am not important to many, but that I have a lot of promise and am always still here.

But the drive home made me realize that I also see it in relation to my so-called "struggle." Except this time, I want to describe my "struggle" not as a struggle, but as something different. It is something that takes over me, makes me something I am not, someone who I am not. My thoughts and logic change when this takes over, and in retrospect, I can clearly delineate between my true, "Nikko thoughts" and my these "Struggle thoughts." This is all well and good, but in the heat of the moment, the thoughts blend, and I become one with this other personality. This is where my struggle comes from. It makes things so hard for me. I sometimes feel like I am smothered by the struggle thoughts, silenced by them, hiding the true me, and it makes me unhappy. It is harder and harder to shout out when these thoughts suffocate me. It makes me feel like I am becoming these thoughts.

But as I listened to this song, my new perspective was that I am not my thoughts. As the song suggests, I want a moment to be real, I'm still here. As loud as my struggle thoughts are, I, Nikko am still here. I can do this, as impossible as it seems. I will eventually get over this. It is so unbelievably hard.  But in the heart of the Easter season, we are all welcome to new beginnings, just like Jesus was. All thanks to our Lord, I can start anew. Sooner rather than later, if it is your will, God.