I Wish

That I didn't have to walk around with extra baggage, every single day.
I wish that I could live normally, like everyone else. I wish I did not have to think about this the way I do.
I know for certain that others do not even think twice about this, and if they do, they don't let it affect them for more than a moment.
I wish I was free, free from the guilt I feel daily, multiple times a day. The littlest things strike this feeling in me. Feelings of regret come up in me that in others would never. Why must I go through this, why must I be tied down.
I imagine a day in which I never think of this the same way anymore. The day that I can think straight, and be normal, and it is so unimaginable. It's like a heaven on earth for me. I used to live this way, before this all started, before my struggles, but now I can't even remember how it is to live like that. I so greatly want to go back to that, to live like my friends and family do, and feel good about it and myself.
Instead, I feel stuck in this way of living, and even worse, it doesn't really make me feel better about myself.
Its like this endless cycle that I cannot break free from. My self-esteem and lack of self-love causes me to see my self in a negative way, and that in turn causes me to feed this way of thinking, which ultimately works against me in that I feel worse and worse about my image, and my self-love takes a dip because of this.
I wish I didn't have to go through this.
But I am, and right now, all I can do is sit in it. Sit in it, and be patient. Patience and prayer. And hope. Hope is what I am living for.