Tongue of Fire

For the longest time, I have been looking for love. Its a recurring theme of this blog, because I am a hopeless romantic, who has a seemingly hard time finding what I am looking for. But much thinking, thanks to nice down time on spring break, has given me time to compress some thoughts.

I think that for me, this life, for the foreseeable future is going to be about connected with my own loving nature. I mean this in the sense of appreciating my own love that I can offer the greatest amount of other children of God, as opposed to "who can I be in an intimate, one on one, relationship with?" Some people are perfect for that. Maybe I am not. This isn't to say that if that form of love was presented to me, that I wouldn't accept it fully. Heck, for all I know, this kind of love could be right in front of me, and I just don't know how to see it yet. But what I mean is that instead of falling in love and taking from someone else (not that its a symbiotic relationship), I may be called to give off my love. Give, not receive.

This life on earth, as sensory and physically pleasurable as it may be in nature, is short in the long run, and is very much dated. My days are numbered on this earth, and it is an imperfect world. There is so much that I can get out of this world, if I really try and force things to happen that way. But what can I give? I want to fall in love someday, I really do, but for now, I think I am content with something else. I want others to fall in love with Him, like I have, through my actions and loving nature.

Being Catholic, we always talk about striving to be saints. I think this discussion of love can relate here. I think all the saints, in some way, let go of themselves. They let go of who they are, so that they could do the most they could for others. If they held onto their comfort, and what they are getting out of situations, I think they would not have been able to do the holy things they did for others. This is how I would like to learn to be. Sainthood is a lifelong process, and its a lifestyle that is hardly ever mastered, I assume. But I want to give of myself. Every heart beat, breath I take, every step I take, I want it to be for Him. And not just for Him, but for anyone loved by him. Which is everyone. I want to be satisfied with the bare necessities, eating, sleeping, a safe abode to live in, and the interactions and relationships of people I love, and are important to me. Other wise, I want to show as much love as I can, and put all my energy towards God's children, especially those that are going unnoticed in today's world.

This life is short, and I only have a certain amount of time to do these things. I can rest easy one day in heaven, when I am reunited with Him. But until then, I am his vessel of love, I am his son, I am called to help those in need. I am so blessed daily, and with this blessing comes responsibility. I pray I am strong enough to continue this way of thinking and to have courage when the time comes for me to make a leap of faith and go do the work I want to do.