I Promised

I would blog about what has been on my mind, and I am following through with that promise.
There have been a number of things on my mind, so I will probably dedicate a few blog posts seeing as how I usually have a lot to say.

One thing that has been on my mind is the path my life is going in. Let me be clear. I have been on and off stressed lately about the things I am doing right now academically to get where I wanna be in the workforce a few years from now. I have wanted to be a nurse for a few years now, and have been working diligently to achieve this. Maybe it is just me being burnt out, but I am so sick of feeling a constant state of pressure about what I have to do to achieve this. The classes are extremely difficult, and I always feel like I am reaching my breaking point. This causes me to question how badly I really want to become a nurse. I feel like its a job that I don't know for sure I would enjoy, or at least could see myself finding out its not for me in the future. I also feel like I have reached my limit with the hardest class I have ever faced and yet I am so close. To some this may seem like I give this way too much thought, but this is what goes through my head.

In thinking about all of this, I try and think of things like this: Where do I see my life going in the best case scenario? What do I see myself doing? I have a very vague and general idea of what I want, and it goes a little something like this. I want to do something that helps other people. My whole life has been a blessing and real focused on me. I want to give back. Call it welcomed karma, or whatever you will, but I feel I have been given plenty in life and that it is my duty and responsibility to do whatever I can for my fellow man. I tend to think of this as some sort of mission work in places of need (South America or Africa, for example). Additionally, my faith is important to me (as you can tell from the Whisper To A Riot blog), and has shaped my whole life and who I am. I want to help others find that. I don't mean to convert people, but rather help people find what they are looking for in the faith. Sharing my faith would be an ultimate fulfillment to me. Thirdly, there are great people at every corner of this world. I would love to meet great people and take in what they have to offer, learning from their experiences and life stories. This is where things get vague and hard to explain. Hmm. Lastly, I want to be able to continue my writing, unprofessionally (of course, as if that was ever an option!), because it brings me great joy and peace of mind. My writing centers me, and I am really interested in its development over time.

What is so hard about this stressful situation is that I feel like all these things I want to do with my life are being blocked by all the seemingly arbitrary and monotonous (not to mention extremely difficult) school work I am putting in to get a degree, a diploma, a piece of paper, so I can get a job. How am I going to deal with this stressful situation with school? I don't know. My course of action right now is just to give it my all and hope for the best. Leave the rest up to God.

More to come on what else is on my mind. Stay tuned...