Things I Think

Things I think:

1. I'm not defined by:

• What people think about me. Whether your a friend or not, whether you think something positive or something negative about me, your opinion does not have any weight in the definition of Nikko Lane. This holds especially true for friends that really treat me like shit. I am officially in the world of none shits given about people's opinion.
• My thoughts. Thoughts are simply thoughts. They are not actions or words. Thoughts cannot necessarily be controlled, but you can channel them. There are a whole mess of disorders, including eating disorders that are fueled by negative thoughts. Those thoughts are not me, and when one can separate themselves, like I am, from them, you can distance yourself from some thoughts. Notice them for what they are, and move one without them on your back.
• What I eat. Simple. Food is as simple as this: "Man, I am tired and my stomach needs some fuel! I better eat... hmm that sounds good omnom." Food is not this: "Oh man I am hungry, but I can't be, I can't eat that or that or that, because its apparently bad for me. There is a lot of (fat, carbs, sugars, calories here)."

2. I'm defined by:

• My actions and words (or lack of words).
• My good-natured personality
• My selfless mindset
• My loyalty to my friends
• My faith

3. I think that maybe I should be satisfied with who I am. Maybe I am not the friend that every single one of my friends always want to be around, or be goody-goody friends with everyone. Maybe I'm not the person people call to make plans, or maybe I am not the person friend A has something to say to. Maybe I am the best friend I can be, and I am still not anyone's go to. Maybe I am just the good friend that is here to listen when you need me. Maybe I am quiet and slightly introverted, and maybe that isn't always praised in society, but maybe that's okay. Maybe I need to trust that I am valued and not hold myself to standards of how other people are treated. Maybe I broke a record on how many times I say maybe in this paragraph?

4. I think that pastelling is fun. I totally suck, but I don't really care. Its not about being good. I just want to pain things that I see when I shut my eyes. That's what I do.

5. I think of my future wife every day. Someday, maybe I will meet her, God will reveal her to my life. Or maybe there isn't one. I tend to think there is, but whether there is or not, maybe I am just supposed to be alone for now. I mean I am used to it, you know?

6. I think that I wanna do some research on Baha'i. That faith base sounds amazing and interesting. It intrigues me, and I want to always be learning.