Scrapbook

Last night was a very uneventful night.
But as I learned, uneventful does not necessarily equate unimportant.
Last night was such a good night for me.

I spent so much time in the library yesterday, studying for Anatomy, both lab and lecture. I was in there before lunch, after lunch, after class, after dinner. What a long day of studying it had been. But that is the norm for me, honestly.

When I was finally done with it for the night I knew I needed to talk to my best friend about all that had changed since we last talked. I had just come off an absolutely awful weekend, and really needed to just say what was on my mind with her. She is perfect for that, and I like to think I am perfect for her in that way as well.

After much unwinding and relaxing with my book, I went up to her room to talk with her. As it would turn out, what she had to say, and the back and forth that followed would be exactly what I needed.

I told her that I had spent the weekend wildly upset at being rejected on Thursday, and that I had a lot of mixed emotions about the situation. Part of me understood where the girl was coming from completely. She had a hard time figuring out her feelings for me until it was too late, and she had big plans for the future that does not leave a lot of room for the person I was hoping to be for her. But the other part of me had felt led on, hurt, and left to dry in the situation.

I told her that, though I was torn on the feelings, I knew which one was the logical feeling and which one was the emotional, heat of the moment feeling I had sulked in this weekend. She told me it was okay to sulk, be sad, and have my separation time to recoup. But she also wanted me to know that it was more complicated then just the girl not liking me and deciding not to tell me. My friend told me this girl had spent a lot of time thinking and discerning, and respects me enough as a person to really care about something like this enough to give it a lot of thought, much like I would do for someone else.

I told her it still hurt, but that I feel like I understand the situation on a whole new level now. We continued to talk about relationships in college among other things, and she brought up so many good points. She mentioned that sometimes in life, you just gotta give yourself a year, of absolutely, positively, not allowing yourself to search for "that somebody", and to really focus that time on (excuse me if this might not be the right wording) fixing the problems that are, as I call them, "Nikko problems." She told me the saying I had heard before that you cannot offer yourself to someone else until you completely are satisfied and content with where you are as a person. Until your issues are resolved between you and yourself, it would not be fair to the other person you are pursuing. She told me she had done that all last year and is still doing it to an extent today, and she can honestly say that she has reached a contentment with herself that she has never felt before.

This was exactly what I needed. Absolutely, without a doubt. I cannot express enough how much her talks mean to me, and these are one of those to remember. If I had a scrapbook of all the times we had these kinds of talks, this one would have its own chapter. She introduced a completely new to me outlook and attitude on the whole relationship issue, one that isn't skeptical, but is realistic and content in all manners. I now realize, I am a lot younger than I sometimes feel, and a lot changes in a little amount of time. Now is not the time for me to try to be finding "that somebody." Now is the time for me to be figuring out myself, to really soul-search, and to garnish relationships that I will treasure for a lifetime while I am at it. Not to mention focus on my schoolwork and future when it pertains to me and me alone. Lastly, and always most importantly, now is the time (as it is always the time) to be building my relationship more and more with God. I am strong in my faith, but faith has now boundaries of how strong it can become in my eyes.

I thank God daily for my friend, and for the positive influence she brings to my life. God bless.