Two Things

Two things on my mind today:

First, I have been lonely as hell lately. I see people and am not isolated an my opinion, but even around my friends I feel lonely, at times. This whole week, I have felt really sad, down about this loneliness. I have been moody and sulky. I cannot help it. But today, I decided, loneliness is apart of growing up. Unless you are with a co-dependent, significant other, which most of us aren't, I am going to be lonely at times. Some people will be more than others, and maybe I am just one that is lonelier than others. It still affects me all the same, and I am still sad about it, but I have all but decided I am going to get used to it. I am going to suck it up, and learn how to live lonely. I will be better for it, I hope.

Secondly, I read a tweet from a cancer patient. She has lost all her hair due to the chemo. It gave me some perspective on my life. She said, "Now that I'm a month into chemobaldness, I'm entering the Not A Single Fuck Was Given phase of self-image on that. It's like: yo. I'm alive." I want to take up this attitude about how I look. Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy, so I will still eat healthy and workout regularly. I will wear my hair the way I do because its comfortable that way, and I will wear the clothes I wear because its comfortable and what I like. But otherwise, I don't want to put any effort into it. I don't have the energy to fucking care anymore. I am alive, and have a working heart and pair of lungs. I wake up every day and waste so much time caring about how I look, wishing I could be someone else, or wishing others would love me, and I am sick of wasting my time. If I could tear the mirrors in my room down I would, because I hate them. They are some of my worst enemies. Here's to the Not-A-Single-Fuck-Was-Given attitude.

Cheers.